Lazy day, been catching up on my favorite show, Taarak Mehta Ka Ooltah Chashmah. Should be working on HarmoKnit, and will get to that, but has been forever since I've seen TMOC. Actually back in May at Sh's place I got a quick glimpse of the show. I was surprised to see that Tapu had grown so much and that he'd cut his hair (more on that later). Hmm, may sound like I know these people or something, but I don't. It's just that the show is quite dear to me, and it's always brought a smile to my face :) See what I mean? And while I understand that it's just a TV show, that is not to say that we can't learn something from it, and on numerous occasions it's taught me something of value. Today I finally felt that I should show my appreciation for the show.
But before I get to that, just wanted to say I'm back in Toronto for a few weeks. Actually been here since June 1st, and heading back to Atlanta very soon. Not much to report here, looks like my deal to buy a place is going to flop. Don't know why they call it a "short sale" when the friggen thing took close to 4 months and went nowhere. Anyways, will now just find a rental as soon as I get back. There's a lot on my plate I need to catch up on, and September is just around the corner.
So back in April, when I had some more time on my hand, Jn invited me to visit his temple. He's a member of The Church of Jesus Christ, Of Latter-Day Saints. The Atlanta Georgia Temple was having their re-dedication ceremony on May 1st, 2011, 28 years after the original opening (gosh so many things this year in my life are coming in buckets of 28). The temple was having an open house of sorts and was open to the general public. For those unfamilair, the actual temple itself is not open to the public during normal periods. Here in Brampton, we have a beautiful LDS temple right behind my house, a mere 15 minute walk. During my teens, I would go to their community center to play basketball with my friend who was a member. I always admired the beauty of the temple as a youth, and always longed to enter it. When Jn proposed the opportunity, I couldn't pass it by!
Before this, I didn't know much about LDS and Mormons. Being a long-time South Park addict, I'd heard of the jokes made about Joseph Smith, Jr and his faith. Knowing how to separate mere entertainment, I took my visit to the temple as an opportunity to learn about LDS, and maybe about me. It was a beautiful sunny day. Jn and I went during work hours when the Atlanta traffic was less. His wife and 3 children (with a 4th one on the way) were going to meet us there. I don't remember now, but I think I was dressed appropriately (I usually ain't one to conform to dress codes). The open house started with a tour guide of the community center. A brief video was shown about the church and I was surprised to learn that the movement itself was very young, just close to 200 years old. The chapels are where the activities are held and the temple itself is the holy place which is outside of the world. The temple is where holy ordinances are performed and is the spiritual center. Church goers wear white clothing that represents cleanliness and purity. Moreover, they wear their church clothes *after* entering the temple. This is to represent that one is leaving the outside world behind when one is inside the temple.
One of the most important tenants of Mormons is that a family is made eternal in the temple. That is to say, that once a couple marries inside of the "Sealing Room", they aren't just married for this life, but for eternity. Families are made eternal: brother to sister, wife to husband, parent to child, forever. Mormons really value tracking their ancestory, and were the driving force behind Ancestry.com. Needless to say that the website was the brainchild of two Brigham Young University graduates. Descendants can also perform rituals on behalf of their ancestors, and those ancestors can choose to receive the blessings if they so desire (obviously in the afterlife). The concept of everlasting family ties was new to me and quite different from the Hindu Gita that I believe in.
Once inside the temple I was awe-strucked. It was majestic and absolutely beautiful. The Celestial room was absolutely bright, decorated with an astonishing chandelier, and a large stained glass window looking outside. Directly opposite each other were two huge mirrors. You can only realize their significance after standing in front of one of them. Looking out into an infinite reflection can really humble oneself. But I was more interested in how I could have made a better reflection model in my ray-tracer. My recursive depth stopped at 2, but here peering into the infinite recursion depths of my reflection, in front and behind me, made me marvel at God's beautiful creation. Obviously, here the implication was on the infinite family ties that is fundamental to the belief system of Mormons.
Overall, the experience was very insightful. The volunteers were extremely welcoming and professional. I've been involved in such open houses through my temple, BAPS Swaminarayan Mandir Toronto. Being also involved in gala dinners, walk-a-thons, and the grand opening of the mandir in the summer of 2007, I've a keen appreciation for the efforts of volunteers. My Swaminarayan faith is also very young like the Mormon movement. We also place high importance on family ties. And probably most importantly, both faiths agree on the necessity of the Temple.
The temple is not only a place of worship, a place where one only goes to ask something of God. Instead, it's also a place where one grows spiritually and morally, it's where one learns *from*. I'm not one to buy into the doctrine that all one needs is a small prayer room in a corner of their house, and temples should instead be replaced by schools and hospitals. While God is everywhere and in everything, doesn't mean that we has humans don't require focus to find Him. Temples such as the Atlanta one and the mandir in Toronto are not pretty for artificial reasons. Don't mistaken their beauty for what one would expect from the night lights of downtown, something that is used to lure people. They are that way because it's the home of God. Not to lure, but to inspire and teach.
We can't all be experts. Home schooling has shown to be beneficial to children since it encourages them to become more social when they step outside of their house and interact. Though my mom isn't an expert teacher nor do I expect most parents to be. We go to school to learn from those who are wiser than us, our teachers. Same applies to temples and churches. I go to the mandir because I have much to learn about my faith and I don't think that I'm capable of doing it myself. We go to a doctor cause he's an expert at medicine. We shouldn't attempt a surgery on ourselves! Hindus believe in a concept of Guru-Shishya, that of a teacher-student relationship. I'm by no means perfect, my past is a testament to that very fact! What with all my imperfections and mishaps I don't trust myself to be my own teacher on the complexities of life and God.
Pramukh Swami Maharaj, my Guru, has taught me by not only preaching, but by example, to lead a more righteous life. He's both my teacher and doctor, and the temples he inspires are both my school and hospital. A lot of people believe in leading a healthy lifestyle; balanced diet and rigorous workout. Why? Prevention. No one wants to get inflicted with an ailment. And though you've taken the initiative to lead such a life for the betterment of your body and health, don't think that you did so without first learning either from experts, family, or your peers. We learn best by example, especially the things that are most important for us.
But what about the ailment of the mind & soul? What about preventing it from getting clogged up? That's why God made temples and gurus. So that the other two-thirds of the puzzle can also have a rigorous workout schedule. I don't believe in Hell (we instead believe in Karma - law of cause and effect e.g. what goes around comes around), and so makes it easier for me to strive to do better since I'm not always living in fear. And when I do go astray (and trust me I have!) my Guru is always there to steer me back on the right path. I applaud the LDS temple for instilling good values in their youths. And though we may have vastly different beliefs, we are united on one front, we believe. Pramukh Swami Maharaj said it best in his speech at the UN in 2000: "Thus every Hindu should become a better Hindu, every Jew a better Jew, every Christian a better Christian and every Muslim a better Muslim and every follower should become a better follower". And if I may quote Obie Trice, "I'll be searching for You longer than the Legend of Zelda".
Even till now my mom remembers the 80's shows "Family Ties". It was Michael J. Fox's breakout appearance. Actually, I even remember a young Tom Hanks. I never understood why the people in the show would enter the house from the door that leads into the kitchen. Actually, only realized that when my uncle bought a similar house in Lowell, MA. Maybe one of my reasons for adoring TMOC is cause of my affinity towards Family Ties. Whatever the case be, if there is one thing I know about myself, is I rather come out of something happy and optimistic, than miserable and pessimistic. I don't watch horror flicks or even too much action movies nowadays. I have a soft heart for dramas, romances, and comedies (just saw Vampires Sucks, yeah I got some lame taste ;) I like seeing people happy, and I like living happy, as much as its hard nowadays to do so. And as the American Declaration of Independence states, it's all about "Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness".
TMOC is about a family unit of 4, father, mother, son, and grandpa. The actors that play the roles are phenomenal, especially the mother. The episode I saw today resonated with me well. Tapu, the son, went to school in the morning all excited and happy about the day to come. His friend, Kunal, was coming back from a long hiatus, so Tapu asked his mother to pack Kunal's favorite snack. Now Tapu is like the hero of the show. He's a very smart, confident, and a charismatic kid. He gets in trouble a lot from the headmaster, but gives a lot back to others. He's the ringleader. After coming back from school, he wasn't himself, and he insisted to his mother that he wanted to shave off his head! The comedy aspects of the show thus started. His parents wouldn't allow it and they had to get the whole society (that's what Indians call neighbors) involved. In Indian traditions, a boy only shaves off his head when one of his relatives have passed away.
Everyone tried to convince Tapu not to go ahead with his plans, but he would resist. When they asked him why he wanted to shave off his head, he would reply with a simple "just cause". There was even a discussion about if he shaved off his head today then tomorrow he'll want a pierced lip or tattoo or something. Tapu promised he would do no such thing, and that all he wished for was to shave his head off. As you watch the show you would see that it didn't seem like Tapu was being demanding, but instead there was some hidden motive. Anyways, long story short, after all the comedy and melodrama, Tapu finally shaved off his head. His dad's best friend was still perplexed as to why he would want to do such a thing, and weren't satisfied by a simple "just cause". They narrowed the scenario down to the fact that something must have happened that day at school. They thought maybe it was a dare or prank, but then again Tapu is not that sort of kid to get peer pressured into something like that. They thus decided to spy on Tapu as he went to school.
The next day at school, as Tapu and his friends got to school, the principal stopped him and asked him why he's being mischievous again and had his head shaved off. Tapu's father is watching this escapade, and he says something funny. "Most parents hope that their child grows up and shoulders the good name of the family. But with Tapu, I have to worry about if he doesn't screw up!". Or something like that. Anyways, as the principal is lecturing Tapu, Kunal walks in. He too has a shaved off head...
Kunal runs to Tapu and hugs him. Kunal's parents are with him too, and asks the principal not to taunt Tapu anymore. The day before, after Kunal had returned from his trip, we find out that he had developed Leukemia, and his trip was actually at the hospital for months. There cause of his treatment, he lost his hair. When Kunal came back to school, all the kids were making fun of him, calling him baldy and stuff. Tapu heard this and tried to comfort Kunal. But being a little boy, Kunal said he wouldn't come back to school ever again. This is where good family values, friendship, and great problem solving skills comes into play. Tapu promised Kunal that tomorrow he'll have his head saved off so that he too can bear the burden of everyone's jokes. Tapu being so confident even went as far as saying that he'll make bald heads the new fashion!
This is a real sign of real friendship, when you're in it, you're in it together. Needless to say, after hearing this, everyone couldn't but praise Tapu enough for his thoughtfulness and friendship. It was really touching I must say, and it got to the core of me. When asked why he hadn't just told everyone his reasons, he mentioned what his grandpa said to him before. "Whenever you're going to do a good deed with your right hand, your left hand shouldn't even know about it". Tapu had being taught the importance of being humble.
Would it make me less humble if I said I thought I was humble? Ok, fine I won't say it then ;) My cup runneth over with all my kindness :) NOT! I know my faults, and I'll be the first to point them out. But my good points, naw, I learned this lesson a long time ago, that of being humble, behind the screen sorts of guy. Did that all the time during my volunteer work at the mandir, and still live by the moto. But just a week ago I started questioning this very quality of mine. I even asked At that I wanted to sing some kirtans (religious songs) in front of everyone. What to show off with my lousy voice, hehe! I felt like I've done so much for others, and I've not been ever recognized for that. For a week there I felt like I wanted someone to remember me by, what with a statue or something? What with all the good deeds I've done in the past? I even for a moment started to see reason behind why people liked to have their name announced when they do something charitable. But Tapu brought me down from cloud 9.
Doing something nice for others isn't so that you can account for it later, or be asked about it. You shouldn't expect anything in return, not even a simple appreciation. I think it goes back to the simple understanding that if you expect something to happen, it likely won't, and you'll just end up hurting yourself. As much as I wanted to be pumped up and praised for whatever it is that I think I've done, that'll just negate it all together. Day in day out I'm trying to defeat myself, my own Ego. It's then quite ironic that I worked for a company actually name Doppelganger! Nay, I'll continue to defeat my ghostly self, be it when it comes to being even more humble, controlling my temper, or whatever else vice I may have. Sy said to me the other day that in a year's time he won't even recognize me. I'll take that as a compliment :)
My actions will speak for themselves when the time comes. Only God can ever judge me...
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
2.0 Boys
The new voices of Shady records has arrived. Ok, well the news is like a year old, but I only heard of these guys now. 2.0 boys is a sick, fast-pased, fight club type of song. Who are these dudes? Yelawolf? Slaughterhouse? I don't know, but the song has that adrenaline rush that I've been yearning for.
Em's been pushing the envelope forever on lyrical content and his new prentices are following suit. I've had much practice keeping up with the tight verses from the likes of Dre, Kanye, Jay-Z, but I was totally blown away by this song. I couldn't keep up. There's a new flow to rap, and I think Em was one of the first to christen it. You know what I'm talking about: simple exaggeration of syllables, long and short. Put another way the timing is all over the place nowadays. Quick burst of lyrics, with scattered pauses and skipped beats. Intertwined with short metaphors, proven similes, and stressed consonants, rap is finally taking on a new form early in this decade. Though they claim to "move to the same beat of the drum", that's just a fake jab. No more auto-tuners and beat pushers, lyrical content has reappeared.
Back when Em was Shady, his disses were more direct, calling out his foes by name. Call it maturity, but his references are now more subtle. "Pour ice in their pants, and the first one who pees gets a black eye". And instead of showing off their crazy lifestyles, these guys are claiming that "verses keep coming, and I should invoice my own voice". Probably the best line in the song because of its multiple meanings. I like how it's more about the things they don't say. Couple of references to Illuminati, gosh, let the conspiracy theorists come out the woodwork! I ain't even going there!
But the sickest has to be this. Watch the crowd go crazy when Em comes out! Man I gotta see him live once, put that down for the bucket list!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Free Will
Yikes! Been way too long since my last post. Not that anyone is reading my crap, though I owe it to myself to be more diligent in this. Anyways, quick update. Moved to Atlanta in Feb, enjoying my new job here, and well just trying to settle in to my new habitat. If it counts for anything, I do have some blogs lined up, but they're all in drafts. Actually, what I'm going to write about today just occurred to me a few days back. Fh edits all my stuff (sometimes what I want to say is a tad bit extreme), so he brings me down to earth. But I wanted to go raw on this one today, just get it out cause it's been pestering me for a while.
And that is the question of free will. This is the notion that the behavior of rational entities is solely determined by their understood choices, independent of any seen or unseen constraints. Of crucial importance in literature, is the concept of determinism. The question then becomes if one has free will, then nothing is predetermined, and vice-versa. There are two sides to the coin: that free will exists and that it doesn't exist. Of course, for philosophers to pump out their papers and make any sort of living, there always has to be some gray areas. And rightly so. I'm of the belief that free will is earned and unearned. That humans are destined to, and repelled from. That while God has a master plan for us, it is the responsibility of the individual who must morally steer their path. And probably most importantly, I believe that free will can be harnessed for our own good, and in effect, the master plan can be altered. As a result, the question of determinism becomes less important.
If you've ever felt that you're destined to do something, then by implication you don't believe in free will. If some higher omnipotent divinity has laid out the tracks of your roller-coaster life, then you'll fine to be on track. Omnipotent divinity? Shucks to that! I'm not an atheist, and the only such Divine Force in my life is my God. And since God is the almighty controller, then nothing is indeterminate. Everything is foretold, and free will is just a figment of our human imagination. Though I believe in free will and that I'm destined to do something (big) in life! Oh, the predicament!
Unfortunately free will is tied to this concept of determinism. If we can come to grasp what determinism is, then maybe we can grasp free will. Determinism is exactly that, something which can be accounted for, determined to occur, will happen, etc. What will happen or be determined is not of importance, but just that a certain chain of events will expire for an outcome of high probability (e.g. 1.0) to occur some time in the future. How many chance it takes to achieve this goal is also of no relevance. Hence the only important thing is the concept of time. And as Einstein so beautifully put it, everything is relative. It's 2 A.M here in Hotlanta, and 12 A.M in Phoenix. Wonder what time it's at in God's abode? Is time even relevant for Him?
So we must diverge for a minute, and investigate the teachings St. Thomas Aquinas. His conjecture was that time is of no relevance to God, that he is "outside of time". The past, present, and future are all but a mere blur to Him. So our events and outcomes are not really foreseen by God, but in a way all happen simultaneously to Him. Everything is just the present for Him. Our past, is His now, our present is His now, and our future is also His now. So in a sense, you don't have any more or any less free will now as you did yesterday, because God already knows what you're up to. So if we assume the theory of St. Aquinas, then the question of predestination disappears. There are no more seen or unseen constraints, just our choices. And my God, I like making (good) choices!
Well even a stone can make a choice. It can decide to roll down the southern side of the hill or the western. So it too has free will? No. Free will entails that an entity can be under the influence of judgement, punishment, reward, knowledge, morals, etc. Humans qualify. Being in control of our own destiny is what makes us human. The choices we make may not always be the right ones, but they are YOUR choices. They have consequences and benefits. Though I may feel like I was destined to do something important, my tiny human mind cannot grasp infinite destiny. I would be selling myself short if I just stopped at my destiny, because then I would have succumb once again to predestination and lack of free will. Nay. I rather believe that I'm making good and bad choices that are continuously and infinitely, evolving me to become a better being.
And how many choices do we experience in our lives that let us exercise free will? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. If you've ever read the short stories from the "Choose Your Own Adventure" series, you know that it's all about the choices you make. If you decide to flip to page 85, you may just end up killing the butler, and then your story will unfold in jail. However, having picked one of the other 3 pages, might have had better outcomes for you. Actually, I remember that as you kept reading the story, as you near the leaf of this "decision tree" the amount of choices lessened. This could be for the good, or for the bad. But here once again lies the problem, is it enough just to feel like we have all this free will. That we can keep on making infinite decisions, changes, choices? I for one would love to have less free will if that meant I had less choices to pick from! Sounds crazy heh? Well to me its not. Its sort of like navigating a maze. When you start off, you got so many directions to go. You start exploring each path placing cookie crumbs along the way so that you don't visit the same path twice. When you read a dead end, you backtrack. You repeat this procedure until you exit the maze. In computer science we refer to this as depth-first search (DFS). This is because you are going as deep as you can go in one path of the maze before you reach a dead end.
But what is life if nothing but a big maze of choices and exercising free will! The ones you can navigate it using the shortest path are usually the most successful. But for us others, we need to make a lot of dumb choices before we make one good one. And usually that good one is simply to just back-track! I believe that instead of just hoping that humans have free will, it's better to pray that we can make good use of the choices we have in front of us. It's more important that we can learn from them, so the back-tracking is reduced. And mostly, the maze of life is amenable: walls can be broken, and the so called master plan can be altered!
Of course it can, because there was no master plan in the first place! If you're religious, the only master plan that matters is to be sitting with God in Heaven. Any other good that occurs in your life is just icing on the cake! But to achieve God's heavenly abode, one must steer the driving wheel of life while not under the influence! To break down the walls of life, one must use moral discrimination and act wisely. Making the most money isn't really one's master plan, its just part of the path. Having the best car, fancy clothes, or even good health are all also just part of the path. Materialistic or Earthly desires shouldn't be one's true goal in life. That is not to say that such things are not important, or that do not lead to some sort of happiness, they just may. And as a result, we as humans can continuously change our faith when it comes to matters of materialistic well being. And for most, that is all that matters, which is just fine. If anything, such "master plans" are more amenable to change then the plan of attaining God. Free will can be easily exercised when your only goal in life is to have a corner office on the 23rd floor overlooking the city.
So don't fret. If you remove the concept of determinism from free will by taking into account St. Aquinas teachings, then we are all good. We have full right to the notion of free will. Things can change, people change, and being the optimist that I am, they usually change for the good. Free will becomes less of an issue when one just believes that what they are doing is morally right and just.
And by the way, if you've not seen the movie "Adjustment Bureau", I highly recommend if you enjoyed reading my blabber about free will!
And that is the question of free will. This is the notion that the behavior of rational entities is solely determined by their understood choices, independent of any seen or unseen constraints. Of crucial importance in literature, is the concept of determinism. The question then becomes if one has free will, then nothing is predetermined, and vice-versa. There are two sides to the coin: that free will exists and that it doesn't exist. Of course, for philosophers to pump out their papers and make any sort of living, there always has to be some gray areas. And rightly so. I'm of the belief that free will is earned and unearned. That humans are destined to, and repelled from. That while God has a master plan for us, it is the responsibility of the individual who must morally steer their path. And probably most importantly, I believe that free will can be harnessed for our own good, and in effect, the master plan can be altered. As a result, the question of determinism becomes less important.
If you've ever felt that you're destined to do something, then by implication you don't believe in free will. If some higher omnipotent divinity has laid out the tracks of your roller-coaster life, then you'll fine to be on track. Omnipotent divinity? Shucks to that! I'm not an atheist, and the only such Divine Force in my life is my God. And since God is the almighty controller, then nothing is indeterminate. Everything is foretold, and free will is just a figment of our human imagination. Though I believe in free will and that I'm destined to do something (big) in life! Oh, the predicament!
Unfortunately free will is tied to this concept of determinism. If we can come to grasp what determinism is, then maybe we can grasp free will. Determinism is exactly that, something which can be accounted for, determined to occur, will happen, etc. What will happen or be determined is not of importance, but just that a certain chain of events will expire for an outcome of high probability (e.g. 1.0) to occur some time in the future. How many chance it takes to achieve this goal is also of no relevance. Hence the only important thing is the concept of time. And as Einstein so beautifully put it, everything is relative. It's 2 A.M here in Hotlanta, and 12 A.M in Phoenix. Wonder what time it's at in God's abode? Is time even relevant for Him?
So we must diverge for a minute, and investigate the teachings St. Thomas Aquinas. His conjecture was that time is of no relevance to God, that he is "outside of time". The past, present, and future are all but a mere blur to Him. So our events and outcomes are not really foreseen by God, but in a way all happen simultaneously to Him. Everything is just the present for Him. Our past, is His now, our present is His now, and our future is also His now. So in a sense, you don't have any more or any less free will now as you did yesterday, because God already knows what you're up to. So if we assume the theory of St. Aquinas, then the question of predestination disappears. There are no more seen or unseen constraints, just our choices. And my God, I like making (good) choices!
Well even a stone can make a choice. It can decide to roll down the southern side of the hill or the western. So it too has free will? No. Free will entails that an entity can be under the influence of judgement, punishment, reward, knowledge, morals, etc. Humans qualify. Being in control of our own destiny is what makes us human. The choices we make may not always be the right ones, but they are YOUR choices. They have consequences and benefits. Though I may feel like I was destined to do something important, my tiny human mind cannot grasp infinite destiny. I would be selling myself short if I just stopped at my destiny, because then I would have succumb once again to predestination and lack of free will. Nay. I rather believe that I'm making good and bad choices that are continuously and infinitely, evolving me to become a better being.
And how many choices do we experience in our lives that let us exercise free will? Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them. If you've ever read the short stories from the "Choose Your Own Adventure" series, you know that it's all about the choices you make. If you decide to flip to page 85, you may just end up killing the butler, and then your story will unfold in jail. However, having picked one of the other 3 pages, might have had better outcomes for you. Actually, I remember that as you kept reading the story, as you near the leaf of this "decision tree" the amount of choices lessened. This could be for the good, or for the bad. But here once again lies the problem, is it enough just to feel like we have all this free will. That we can keep on making infinite decisions, changes, choices? I for one would love to have less free will if that meant I had less choices to pick from! Sounds crazy heh? Well to me its not. Its sort of like navigating a maze. When you start off, you got so many directions to go. You start exploring each path placing cookie crumbs along the way so that you don't visit the same path twice. When you read a dead end, you backtrack. You repeat this procedure until you exit the maze. In computer science we refer to this as depth-first search (DFS). This is because you are going as deep as you can go in one path of the maze before you reach a dead end.
But what is life if nothing but a big maze of choices and exercising free will! The ones you can navigate it using the shortest path are usually the most successful. But for us others, we need to make a lot of dumb choices before we make one good one. And usually that good one is simply to just back-track! I believe that instead of just hoping that humans have free will, it's better to pray that we can make good use of the choices we have in front of us. It's more important that we can learn from them, so the back-tracking is reduced. And mostly, the maze of life is amenable: walls can be broken, and the so called master plan can be altered!
Of course it can, because there was no master plan in the first place! If you're religious, the only master plan that matters is to be sitting with God in Heaven. Any other good that occurs in your life is just icing on the cake! But to achieve God's heavenly abode, one must steer the driving wheel of life while not under the influence! To break down the walls of life, one must use moral discrimination and act wisely. Making the most money isn't really one's master plan, its just part of the path. Having the best car, fancy clothes, or even good health are all also just part of the path. Materialistic or Earthly desires shouldn't be one's true goal in life. That is not to say that such things are not important, or that do not lead to some sort of happiness, they just may. And as a result, we as humans can continuously change our faith when it comes to matters of materialistic well being. And for most, that is all that matters, which is just fine. If anything, such "master plans" are more amenable to change then the plan of attaining God. Free will can be easily exercised when your only goal in life is to have a corner office on the 23rd floor overlooking the city.
So don't fret. If you remove the concept of determinism from free will by taking into account St. Aquinas teachings, then we are all good. We have full right to the notion of free will. Things can change, people change, and being the optimist that I am, they usually change for the good. Free will becomes less of an issue when one just believes that what they are doing is morally right and just.
And by the way, if you've not seen the movie "Adjustment Bureau", I highly recommend if you enjoyed reading my blabber about free will!
Thursday, April 7, 2011
SparkNotes
I'm reading classicals like Great Gatsby and Lord of the Flies. In Canada we have these yellow cheat books called Coles notes, the equivalent of which we now know as SparkNotes. Anyways, I'm not part of any book clubs as of now, and unlike before when I was afraid of getting caught of plagiarism, I figure I might as well read up on these notes. It'll be useful to get another (note, I didn't say correct) interpretation of what I'm reading. Anyways, SparkNotes only supports the Nook, and being a Kindle lover, I figure I need another way to get at the text on it. So I'll be writing a simple screen scraper tool using Ruby & Nokogiri to scrape SparkNotes website for the text i'm interested in. Then I'll transfer it to my Kindle. I'll mark this is my next skunkworks project...more to come!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tangled
It was one of those days, the kind that you'll remember for the rest of your life. Woke up early after a long time, 7:30 am. Otherwise, early is 10! Got ready quickly so that I can have my day date with Aa. She's been waiting for this a while, even reminded me not to forget (sent me the cutest message ever). Plan was simple: do a public transit trip around downtown Toronto. For me it'll be the last time for a while, and for her, one of the first times. Myself, it was a bitter sweet good-bye to my home for more than 25 years, for her it was a "WOW". But for me only, it was the exact untangling I needed before staring on my long journey ahead.
She was late as usual, but not in her control. While waiting I got some last errands done and everything seemed in place. We drove together to Scarborough Town Center by 10:30. Aa was in her jogging pants and I wasn't impressed. Offered going to Sears and buy some jeans so that she could change. Needless to say, she furiously declined. We then proceeded to head to the RT station. This required walking through the mall. And that's where the first surprise of the day occurred.
Saw a group of folks holding hands of someone who may not necessarily be their loved one. Weird at first, but not one, two, but a whole bunch of these people. It was my old accountant, and he wasn't by himself. He too was holding someone's hands who I didn't recognize. On further inspection, I realized the commonality: it was a group of mentally handicapped children on a field trip. My accountant stopped to say hello when he noticed me. He was in a rush, but quickly offered me his greetings and seeing my puzzled face, he explained what I had already sorta figured out, that he was chaperoning the group with some other adults as well. The kid he was holding pulled on his hand as a sign to keep on moving. He left hastily without a chance for me to say that he was doing a very nice thing. Though saying such things may actually take away from his nice deed. I think the happiness on the face of a child is all the thanks one needs at times.
Now it was Aa tugging on me to continue our trek. We got a day pass, seemed to make the most sense since we were going to be TTC hoping. The station felt almost the same as always. The long hallway between the mall and the station was identical to how I remember it. Contrast that with the mall which had new hallways interweaving into the horizon and store names which I could hardly pronounce. The long hallway reminded me of the many times where I would wait on the mall end expecting, lets call them friends, to arrive from the station end. These friends and I would then walk hand-in-hand (similar to the accountant) around the mall, more often then not, ending up at the back of the cinemas. But alas, that's a story for some other time.
Toronto still has the best public transit system in the world IMHO. From STC we took the RT to Kennedy. The day wasn't overly cold, and the snow was still out. That became more of a nuisance since I couldn't make out many of the usual landmarks that I was once familiar with. I was eagerly waiting to show Aa where my pops used to volunteer his free time to get work experience, but I couldn't find it. Maybe it wasn't the snow, but the many new buildings, roads, construction, or hordes of people blocking my view. Warden station reminded me of the many times the gang of 5 would go watch movies. It seems crazy that we would travel to this station to watch movies when other perfectly nearby cinemas were readily available. Ah, the complexities of youth.
Next stop, Yonge & Bloor. As a child, I always felt that this trek took forever. It was normal for rush hourers to fall asleep at this time, and it was no different now as well. Actually, I caught the snooze fever, and laid my head on Aa's shoulder. She's a sweetie. Surprisingly, we didn't speak much during our trip. I think we both had our own reasons to be together today, and the company was all that we needed. Partly woke me up when she giggled "Castle Frank, next stop". Easily amused I guess. The stop was busy as always, loads of people moving hither and thither. Now it was southbound to Dundas, or was it Union? Got caught up in the scheduling of things and I couldn't figure out how to proceed. I figured we go straight south to Union so I could show her the train station. Then we could head back north to Dundas square.
The station was alright, she seemed to be all open-eyed. Wow, it's just like Grand Central, but smaller! After 20 minutes or so, I figured it was time for some quick lunch. We stepped outside, and Aa screamed "hot dogs"! I knew she was a sucka for veggie dogs, so we proceeded in that direction. The lady was all alone, and that was good. I asked for 2 jumbo veggie dogs, well done. She sliced it down the middle so that it can also cook from the inside, thoughtful act if I may say so. We must have gobbled them down in no time flat and Aa wiped the mustard off my chin. Next stop, well that was an unknown.
I asked her if she was still hungry, she nodded affirmatively. I figured the next stop should be Island Foods, my all time favorite roti shop. It was on the other side of town, and would involve some walking and street car hoping. I figured that was a fair exchange for digesting off the dogs. That's when Aa reminded me of our last trip to the CN Tower. We were waiting on the bottom to go up in a long queue, probably the longest I've ever been in. We were minding our own business, when a little boy just couple of feet in front of us puked his lunch out for the whole world to see. Now don't get me wrong, this wasn't the usual puke one is accustomed to. No sir. This was a sight (and smell) to behold. Cabbage, carrot, chicken legs, half-long hot dogs, and what seemed like pepperoni but could have easily been any other deli meat. The stench was unbearable as well. It smelled like 23 skunks had just finished performing a mating ritual (don't ask me what the odd one did)! And all this from an innocent little boy. More like the devil's child in disguise. The parents had the audacity to not even apologize to me since some of the puke landed right on my shoes! And remember, all this while we're still waiting at the BOTTOM of the CN Tower to go UP! Everyone around us were covering their noses. The staff didn't arrive for a good 5 minutes, and by that time, I'm sure other folks had already joined in on the puking session (naw, just joking). I started to question Aa if she still wanted to go up knowing that the elevator ride combined with the stench we just felt, would become a very difficult situation to withstand. She's always been brave, and held my hand to actually address my own fears! Told you, she's a sweetie.
Before we had a chance to complete of our reminiscing, our stop arrived. It was 12:15 by then, and Island Foods was up to its old tricks. The line was out the door. I asked Aa to wait inside and get us a table. Ordered the usual, potatoe roti with no potatoes, and extra sauce on top, times 2. I knew Aa wouldn't be able to finish this, but I wanted to see. It was her first time at the place, and for that matter, her first time even trying rotis. Ah, the warm smell of the rotis are mouth watering. Aa was hooked. I was done mine again in no time flat (I'm a quick eater ok!). She took it more easy this time, savoring every little bite. She wanted to watch a movie now, so I started flicking through my iPhone to find that app. On launch, crashed, stupid iPhone 3G. I'm an Apple fanboy, and bought this only 2 months before the 3GS came out. Till date, one of my stupidest expenditures ever. Actually giving the phone to my sister now since I'll be starting a new journey soon where I won't need it anymore. As much as I feel duped by Apple on the whole 2 month thingie above, giving away my baby isn't going to be easy. I live, breath, and eat this thing. It's been my companion and friend (sick I know) for what 2 years now. It too has battle marks like I have. It too goes haphazardly to sleep after long wars. And being my personal DJ, my iPhone keeps me rocking. I'm going to wait until MacWorld 2011 when stupid Apple comes out with their next phone, well they better!
The app started, and found that Dundas AMC was playing some movies of interest. I perused the listing to narrow down to a couple. Iterated them to the boss, and she replied, "Tangled". "Good choice" I confirmed, since I wanted to see this as well, recalling the huge movie poster I saw at Square One few weeks back. I asked Aa to chug the food down faster so that we can make it in time. But she couldn't, and I knew she was giving up. Being the kind guy/pig I am, I offered to do the needful. After my last bite, we dashed out the restaurant and proceeded to the bus stop. I held her hands as we jay walked the road. But we missed our bus nonetheless. Next was right around the corner so wasn't too bad. In less that 20 minutes we were back at Dundas Square. Aa took it all in, and again made the comparison to New York. "Ah, Times Square". By this time I just let it go. I'll be a states guy soon too, so whatever. but the place is really nice. The city's done a great renovation to the downtown core and should be applauded for their hard work. It really brings the people out, and more importantly, together, these sorts of public and free venues. I pointed out CityTV station and then we made a quick dash to the AMC. Luckily for me I had a free coupon so just had to get one more ticket. Funny thing was that the cinemas was playing like 3 Bollywood movies, unreal. One of them I really wanted to see, Ghobi Dhat, but Aa gave me the fierce eyes, and I had only option to comply. We thought we'll be the only ones in the cinemas, but it didn't take too long before the crying baby to make its presence felt as well. Ok, well it was a toddler, and she wasn't too bad. Actually, she had the sweetest laugh, and during the movie I even recall being amused by her giggles. Her mother took the toddler on her laps and they sat on the stairwell just for kicks. It's always adorable to see the affection of a mother on her children. The father, just sat their on the chair enjoying the movie. Ok well, he wasn't that oblivious, he held the popcorn and the drinks, and fed it to the child. By no means was it a three's company for them. One happy little family out to watch one great movie....
I admit, I wasn't going in expecting much from this movie, but I came out with something more than I could have ever bargained for, the feeling of freedom. Disney put out all the stops for this one. Their 50th featured animation film, and it was golden. I even think that Disney may have purposely wanted to keep this as their 50th, because they knew how great the story was. Forget everything you've seen in the past decade or so. Forget the special effects and CG. Forget all the Oscar winning actor voices and music. And try to go back to the early days of Disney, when things were more, well just magical. This movie did a full circle back to that golden period, and I for one, applaud this great gesture. No more cars that can talk. No more sarcastic adult comedy going into the ears of little ones. Instead, Disney went back to the Original Recipe. An orphan girl, evil step-mom, dashing hero, noble kingdom, lovable animals that don't talk, a moving score, revenge, youthful curiosity, love lost and found, with a sprinkle of magic here and there. The question of fate and destiny were explored in this movie, even at times jokingly. The loss of a child, the kindness that can be found in even the roughest of people, and the human-like intuitions in animals are just some of the things that made this movie so worthwhile. The funniest was how they used a satchel as a weapon. My favorite scene, and the one that resonated with me at this point in my life, was when the two main characters were stuck in a cave quickly filling up with water, and they had no way out. When it almost seemed as all hope was lost, the magic, which only Disney can bring, happened. This took me back 2 weeks when Aa and I watched Toy Story 3. There's an extremely powerful scene towards the end where again it seems like all hope is lost, and everyone is close to death. Then faith intervenes and all is good. Life can be good. Good things can happen, and they will. Tangled, became untangled at the end, similar to how I was feeling by the conclusion. These interweaving strands of memories of my past too needed to be untangled. And I only realized it now.
We left the movies fully satisfied. I can't recommend it enough. Watch it with your children, your loved ones, or just on your own, but watch it. If it doesn't take you back to your childhood innocence, well then, God be with you! It was only 3:30 by now, and I quickly reported to Aa that plans had to be changed. We needed to head back to Scarborough so that I can cut off some strands as well. By 4:45 we were in my car driving to my grade 1 school where life all began. As it approached closer, my heart started to beat faster and faster. Things always look bigger than they actually are as a child. I was surprised to see how small the school actually was. It was a gifted school, but by no means was I gifted. But I think Churchill Heights did do some magic on me, and performed some of the original carvings on me to be the guy I am today. Memories of a girl's school funeral by the hill, my ESL teacher, my sister holding my hand to school, and tobogganing flashed through me. I would be lying if I said that my throat didn't have a lump in it by now. Till date I've always believed that my ESL teacher paved the way for making me the strong student I was to become. Aa wanted to go inside, so we tried. But as we were about to enter the school, the principal was just on her way out and asked where we were heading. She asked that I return the next day when the school was open. I don't think I really needed to go inside, since as kids, it's really the outside play field, the grass, the soccer post, the hills, and the four squares that we remember. And I saw them all, and felt a strand come loose.
Next stop, West Hill high school. Now this was a roughneck school, even back then. Going on the TTC school bus, all one could hope was not to be titled over by the bullies as the swung the bus from side to side down the steep hill. I relayed that to Aa and she chuckled. The school was closed by now, but I could see through the windows the school auditorium. I performed in some fashion shows back in the days (yeah I wasn't too shabby then). Then drove to the back of the parking lot to see the football field where the coach would make us do laps. I always hated running long distances. In track I would be on the relay team, do only 100m, and that too the last runner. If anything that's been a fault in my life. Really need to be a better runner, I'll get the inspiration soon enough I think. As I was turning back to exit the high school, glanced over at one of the doors and recalled a moment with a girlfriend. The morning bell had already rung, and we were too busy pecking! The coach saw me and directed the lady to her class, and I got detention! Sexist I tell ya!
Next stop was Alexandar Sterling. I spent grades 4 to 8 there, and undoubtedly, the happiest time of my life. The gang of 5 was formed along with countless memories. Showed Aa my old house that looked the same. Though my school was what I really came to see. I did it all there. My friends loved me, my teachers respected me, and my future always looked so bright. My first love, my best friends, my wins and defeats, and French class, it was all here. The school has been something that I've cherished in a special place in my heart all my life. But it's a mere building, nay, the people who I met meant so much for me. I'm not on FaceBook (story for some other time), so I don't even know how they are doing. We parted ways long ago, but I think I needed to revisit this school before I headed off on my own journey.
I think the movie helped me realize how tangled my life had become. I still feel like I've got a bad perm, but I think I'm on the right path. God is great, especially on a day like today....
She was late as usual, but not in her control. While waiting I got some last errands done and everything seemed in place. We drove together to Scarborough Town Center by 10:30. Aa was in her jogging pants and I wasn't impressed. Offered going to Sears and buy some jeans so that she could change. Needless to say, she furiously declined. We then proceeded to head to the RT station. This required walking through the mall. And that's where the first surprise of the day occurred.
Saw a group of folks holding hands of someone who may not necessarily be their loved one. Weird at first, but not one, two, but a whole bunch of these people. It was my old accountant, and he wasn't by himself. He too was holding someone's hands who I didn't recognize. On further inspection, I realized the commonality: it was a group of mentally handicapped children on a field trip. My accountant stopped to say hello when he noticed me. He was in a rush, but quickly offered me his greetings and seeing my puzzled face, he explained what I had already sorta figured out, that he was chaperoning the group with some other adults as well. The kid he was holding pulled on his hand as a sign to keep on moving. He left hastily without a chance for me to say that he was doing a very nice thing. Though saying such things may actually take away from his nice deed. I think the happiness on the face of a child is all the thanks one needs at times.
Now it was Aa tugging on me to continue our trek. We got a day pass, seemed to make the most sense since we were going to be TTC hoping. The station felt almost the same as always. The long hallway between the mall and the station was identical to how I remember it. Contrast that with the mall which had new hallways interweaving into the horizon and store names which I could hardly pronounce. The long hallway reminded me of the many times where I would wait on the mall end expecting, lets call them friends, to arrive from the station end. These friends and I would then walk hand-in-hand (similar to the accountant) around the mall, more often then not, ending up at the back of the cinemas. But alas, that's a story for some other time.
Toronto still has the best public transit system in the world IMHO. From STC we took the RT to Kennedy. The day wasn't overly cold, and the snow was still out. That became more of a nuisance since I couldn't make out many of the usual landmarks that I was once familiar with. I was eagerly waiting to show Aa where my pops used to volunteer his free time to get work experience, but I couldn't find it. Maybe it wasn't the snow, but the many new buildings, roads, construction, or hordes of people blocking my view. Warden station reminded me of the many times the gang of 5 would go watch movies. It seems crazy that we would travel to this station to watch movies when other perfectly nearby cinemas were readily available. Ah, the complexities of youth.
Next stop, Yonge & Bloor. As a child, I always felt that this trek took forever. It was normal for rush hourers to fall asleep at this time, and it was no different now as well. Actually, I caught the snooze fever, and laid my head on Aa's shoulder. She's a sweetie. Surprisingly, we didn't speak much during our trip. I think we both had our own reasons to be together today, and the company was all that we needed. Partly woke me up when she giggled "Castle Frank, next stop". Easily amused I guess. The stop was busy as always, loads of people moving hither and thither. Now it was southbound to Dundas, or was it Union? Got caught up in the scheduling of things and I couldn't figure out how to proceed. I figured we go straight south to Union so I could show her the train station. Then we could head back north to Dundas square.
The station was alright, she seemed to be all open-eyed. Wow, it's just like Grand Central, but smaller! After 20 minutes or so, I figured it was time for some quick lunch. We stepped outside, and Aa screamed "hot dogs"! I knew she was a sucka for veggie dogs, so we proceeded in that direction. The lady was all alone, and that was good. I asked for 2 jumbo veggie dogs, well done. She sliced it down the middle so that it can also cook from the inside, thoughtful act if I may say so. We must have gobbled them down in no time flat and Aa wiped the mustard off my chin. Next stop, well that was an unknown.
I asked her if she was still hungry, she nodded affirmatively. I figured the next stop should be Island Foods, my all time favorite roti shop. It was on the other side of town, and would involve some walking and street car hoping. I figured that was a fair exchange for digesting off the dogs. That's when Aa reminded me of our last trip to the CN Tower. We were waiting on the bottom to go up in a long queue, probably the longest I've ever been in. We were minding our own business, when a little boy just couple of feet in front of us puked his lunch out for the whole world to see. Now don't get me wrong, this wasn't the usual puke one is accustomed to. No sir. This was a sight (and smell) to behold. Cabbage, carrot, chicken legs, half-long hot dogs, and what seemed like pepperoni but could have easily been any other deli meat. The stench was unbearable as well. It smelled like 23 skunks had just finished performing a mating ritual (don't ask me what the odd one did)! And all this from an innocent little boy. More like the devil's child in disguise. The parents had the audacity to not even apologize to me since some of the puke landed right on my shoes! And remember, all this while we're still waiting at the BOTTOM of the CN Tower to go UP! Everyone around us were covering their noses. The staff didn't arrive for a good 5 minutes, and by that time, I'm sure other folks had already joined in on the puking session (naw, just joking). I started to question Aa if she still wanted to go up knowing that the elevator ride combined with the stench we just felt, would become a very difficult situation to withstand. She's always been brave, and held my hand to actually address my own fears! Told you, she's a sweetie.
Before we had a chance to complete of our reminiscing, our stop arrived. It was 12:15 by then, and Island Foods was up to its old tricks. The line was out the door. I asked Aa to wait inside and get us a table. Ordered the usual, potatoe roti with no potatoes, and extra sauce on top, times 2. I knew Aa wouldn't be able to finish this, but I wanted to see. It was her first time at the place, and for that matter, her first time even trying rotis. Ah, the warm smell of the rotis are mouth watering. Aa was hooked. I was done mine again in no time flat (I'm a quick eater ok!). She took it more easy this time, savoring every little bite. She wanted to watch a movie now, so I started flicking through my iPhone to find that app. On launch, crashed, stupid iPhone 3G. I'm an Apple fanboy, and bought this only 2 months before the 3GS came out. Till date, one of my stupidest expenditures ever. Actually giving the phone to my sister now since I'll be starting a new journey soon where I won't need it anymore. As much as I feel duped by Apple on the whole 2 month thingie above, giving away my baby isn't going to be easy. I live, breath, and eat this thing. It's been my companion and friend (sick I know) for what 2 years now. It too has battle marks like I have. It too goes haphazardly to sleep after long wars. And being my personal DJ, my iPhone keeps me rocking. I'm going to wait until MacWorld 2011 when stupid Apple comes out with their next phone, well they better!
The app started, and found that Dundas AMC was playing some movies of interest. I perused the listing to narrow down to a couple. Iterated them to the boss, and she replied, "Tangled". "Good choice" I confirmed, since I wanted to see this as well, recalling the huge movie poster I saw at Square One few weeks back. I asked Aa to chug the food down faster so that we can make it in time. But she couldn't, and I knew she was giving up. Being the kind guy/pig I am, I offered to do the needful. After my last bite, we dashed out the restaurant and proceeded to the bus stop. I held her hands as we jay walked the road. But we missed our bus nonetheless. Next was right around the corner so wasn't too bad. In less that 20 minutes we were back at Dundas Square. Aa took it all in, and again made the comparison to New York. "Ah, Times Square". By this time I just let it go. I'll be a states guy soon too, so whatever. but the place is really nice. The city's done a great renovation to the downtown core and should be applauded for their hard work. It really brings the people out, and more importantly, together, these sorts of public and free venues. I pointed out CityTV station and then we made a quick dash to the AMC. Luckily for me I had a free coupon so just had to get one more ticket. Funny thing was that the cinemas was playing like 3 Bollywood movies, unreal. One of them I really wanted to see, Ghobi Dhat, but Aa gave me the fierce eyes, and I had only option to comply. We thought we'll be the only ones in the cinemas, but it didn't take too long before the crying baby to make its presence felt as well. Ok, well it was a toddler, and she wasn't too bad. Actually, she had the sweetest laugh, and during the movie I even recall being amused by her giggles. Her mother took the toddler on her laps and they sat on the stairwell just for kicks. It's always adorable to see the affection of a mother on her children. The father, just sat their on the chair enjoying the movie. Ok well, he wasn't that oblivious, he held the popcorn and the drinks, and fed it to the child. By no means was it a three's company for them. One happy little family out to watch one great movie....
I admit, I wasn't going in expecting much from this movie, but I came out with something more than I could have ever bargained for, the feeling of freedom. Disney put out all the stops for this one. Their 50th featured animation film, and it was golden. I even think that Disney may have purposely wanted to keep this as their 50th, because they knew how great the story was. Forget everything you've seen in the past decade or so. Forget the special effects and CG. Forget all the Oscar winning actor voices and music. And try to go back to the early days of Disney, when things were more, well just magical. This movie did a full circle back to that golden period, and I for one, applaud this great gesture. No more cars that can talk. No more sarcastic adult comedy going into the ears of little ones. Instead, Disney went back to the Original Recipe. An orphan girl, evil step-mom, dashing hero, noble kingdom, lovable animals that don't talk, a moving score, revenge, youthful curiosity, love lost and found, with a sprinkle of magic here and there. The question of fate and destiny were explored in this movie, even at times jokingly. The loss of a child, the kindness that can be found in even the roughest of people, and the human-like intuitions in animals are just some of the things that made this movie so worthwhile. The funniest was how they used a satchel as a weapon. My favorite scene, and the one that resonated with me at this point in my life, was when the two main characters were stuck in a cave quickly filling up with water, and they had no way out. When it almost seemed as all hope was lost, the magic, which only Disney can bring, happened. This took me back 2 weeks when Aa and I watched Toy Story 3. There's an extremely powerful scene towards the end where again it seems like all hope is lost, and everyone is close to death. Then faith intervenes and all is good. Life can be good. Good things can happen, and they will. Tangled, became untangled at the end, similar to how I was feeling by the conclusion. These interweaving strands of memories of my past too needed to be untangled. And I only realized it now.
We left the movies fully satisfied. I can't recommend it enough. Watch it with your children, your loved ones, or just on your own, but watch it. If it doesn't take you back to your childhood innocence, well then, God be with you! It was only 3:30 by now, and I quickly reported to Aa that plans had to be changed. We needed to head back to Scarborough so that I can cut off some strands as well. By 4:45 we were in my car driving to my grade 1 school where life all began. As it approached closer, my heart started to beat faster and faster. Things always look bigger than they actually are as a child. I was surprised to see how small the school actually was. It was a gifted school, but by no means was I gifted. But I think Churchill Heights did do some magic on me, and performed some of the original carvings on me to be the guy I am today. Memories of a girl's school funeral by the hill, my ESL teacher, my sister holding my hand to school, and tobogganing flashed through me. I would be lying if I said that my throat didn't have a lump in it by now. Till date I've always believed that my ESL teacher paved the way for making me the strong student I was to become. Aa wanted to go inside, so we tried. But as we were about to enter the school, the principal was just on her way out and asked where we were heading. She asked that I return the next day when the school was open. I don't think I really needed to go inside, since as kids, it's really the outside play field, the grass, the soccer post, the hills, and the four squares that we remember. And I saw them all, and felt a strand come loose.
Next stop, West Hill high school. Now this was a roughneck school, even back then. Going on the TTC school bus, all one could hope was not to be titled over by the bullies as the swung the bus from side to side down the steep hill. I relayed that to Aa and she chuckled. The school was closed by now, but I could see through the windows the school auditorium. I performed in some fashion shows back in the days (yeah I wasn't too shabby then). Then drove to the back of the parking lot to see the football field where the coach would make us do laps. I always hated running long distances. In track I would be on the relay team, do only 100m, and that too the last runner. If anything that's been a fault in my life. Really need to be a better runner, I'll get the inspiration soon enough I think. As I was turning back to exit the high school, glanced over at one of the doors and recalled a moment with a girlfriend. The morning bell had already rung, and we were too busy pecking! The coach saw me and directed the lady to her class, and I got detention! Sexist I tell ya!
Next stop was Alexandar Sterling. I spent grades 4 to 8 there, and undoubtedly, the happiest time of my life. The gang of 5 was formed along with countless memories. Showed Aa my old house that looked the same. Though my school was what I really came to see. I did it all there. My friends loved me, my teachers respected me, and my future always looked so bright. My first love, my best friends, my wins and defeats, and French class, it was all here. The school has been something that I've cherished in a special place in my heart all my life. But it's a mere building, nay, the people who I met meant so much for me. I'm not on FaceBook (story for some other time), so I don't even know how they are doing. We parted ways long ago, but I think I needed to revisit this school before I headed off on my own journey.
I think the movie helped me realize how tangled my life had become. I still feel like I've got a bad perm, but I think I'm on the right path. God is great, especially on a day like today....
Thursday, January 20, 2011
What Dreams May Come
First post. Thought I’d keep it sappy. Been dreaming again, out of the blue. Don't know what fueled it, but feels like ages since I've dreamed. Actually, they're more like nightmares. Without getting into the gory details, I woke up sweating, more in touch with myself than ever. Maybe that's the ignition? Or is it the roller-coaster ride of emotions I've felt as of the past month? Or wait, is it because I'm about to be making a life-changing decision? Whatever, nice to be dreaming again. Makes me feel human again. But really, let's get past the nightmares, ok?
Saw this one at the theatre with my then gf. Remember it vividly because it was one of the first girly movies I truly liked. I was quite macho back then, but this movie did a number on me. It made me feel, and was one of the first times I got in touch with my feminine side. It was at the 410 cinemas, now extinct. We went there several times during uni. The place had a distinct odor, and the dark purple paint felt like we were on the bad side of Barney & Friends. At this point, I can't remember all the details of the movie without resorting to IMDB, which I won't. I remember Cuba Jr. having some weird role, the emphasis on suicide as a way of reaching lost loved ones, the awesome colors unlike anything I had seen before, and William's outstanding performance. I could admit some water droplets came down my cheeks by the end, but hey, give me a break.
Seems this past month I've gone through some stuff as well and again got in touch with my real self. I started reading the Bhagavad Gita. Ra helped me interpret one of the passages. She was surprisingly really good, definitely more spiritual than myself. I'll work on it. The Bhagavad Gita is truly universal in my first couple of glances. The message seems to resonate with me even in this day and age. I'll keep at it.
So yeah, first time blogger. Don't have experience doing this. Ra said I write well, and I have had that compliment from others before. Was thinking of writing a journal, but then I couldn't easily do a search or index it. Ha, my software side lashing out. I probably have some good stuff to say, not the preaching kind, but if my experiences can help someone in any way, that's swell. I really don't know where I'm going with this blog thing, so please, if you're reading this random babble, stick in there with me. I'll think of something creative. And don't mind the colors, I'm working on making things look better.
Saw this one at the theatre with my then gf. Remember it vividly because it was one of the first girly movies I truly liked. I was quite macho back then, but this movie did a number on me. It made me feel, and was one of the first times I got in touch with my feminine side. It was at the 410 cinemas, now extinct. We went there several times during uni. The place had a distinct odor, and the dark purple paint felt like we were on the bad side of Barney & Friends. At this point, I can't remember all the details of the movie without resorting to IMDB, which I won't. I remember Cuba Jr. having some weird role, the emphasis on suicide as a way of reaching lost loved ones, the awesome colors unlike anything I had seen before, and William's outstanding performance. I could admit some water droplets came down my cheeks by the end, but hey, give me a break.
Seems this past month I've gone through some stuff as well and again got in touch with my real self. I started reading the Bhagavad Gita. Ra helped me interpret one of the passages. She was surprisingly really good, definitely more spiritual than myself. I'll work on it. The Bhagavad Gita is truly universal in my first couple of glances. The message seems to resonate with me even in this day and age. I'll keep at it.
So yeah, first time blogger. Don't have experience doing this. Ra said I write well, and I have had that compliment from others before. Was thinking of writing a journal, but then I couldn't easily do a search or index it. Ha, my software side lashing out. I probably have some good stuff to say, not the preaching kind, but if my experiences can help someone in any way, that's swell. I really don't know where I'm going with this blog thing, so please, if you're reading this random babble, stick in there with me. I'll think of something creative. And don't mind the colors, I'm working on making things look better.
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